The cost of not sharing your feelings
Photo by Chetan Hireholi on Unsplash
Being “a man” about mental health can cause real harm.
In North America, men are taught to keep their emotions to themselves. And they do:
“Up to 70 percent of young men avoid seeking mental health help, and only about 17 percent saw a counselor in the past year, compared to 28.5 percent of women”
This silence feeds chronic stress, depression, and strained relationships. Left unchecked, it can also lead to anxiety disorders, substance misuse, self‑harm, and worse.
You may have been taught that showing sadness, fear, or doubt is “unmanly.” That lesson creates shame and stigma around vulnerability. You might even struggle to name your emotions- a trait called alexithymia, which affects about 10 percent of people and often accompanies other issues.
Alexithymia, the struggle to name and express feelings, has a negative impact on your physical and mental health. It affects men disproportionately.
Alexithymia affects your body.
When you bottle up feelings, your body stays on high alert. Emotional suppression boosts stress hormones, weakens your immune system, and can cause high blood pressure, headaches, and muscle tension. Over weeks and months, it can wreck your sleep, cloud your decisions, and pull you away from the people who matter.
Try these five daily actions to ease the pressure:
Pause and ask yourself what you feel.
Name the emotion out loud or write it down.
Track your mood in a notebook or an app.
Share one small feeling with someone you trust.
Remind yourself that emotions are signals, not weaknesses.
Think of therapy as prevention.
Seeking help isn’t failing to “do it yourself”. It’s a brave and necessary step to protect your wellness.
A trained professional can teach cognitive‑behavioral tools to challenge negative thoughts and mindfulness exercises to calm your body. Over time, you’ll gain emotional insight, better coping skills, and stronger bonds with others.
Hi, I’m Dustin
I am a therapist at Cedar Tree Wellness Center. I specialize in men’s mental health, substance abuse, anxiety, trauma, identity issues and more.
Read Dustin’s bio
